An interesting parenting debate has surfaced around the “Tiger mom” phenomenon, thanks to Amy Chua’s new book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, which has sent shock waves throughout America and launched many Western mothers in venomous attack mode. The debate boils down to: Which parenting method is more effective in rearing successful children? Is it the Chinese mother’s future-oriented mode that demands discipline and tangible achievements now; or the Western mother’s present-oriented approach that upholds the happiness and independence of children?
One of the more balanced articles on Amy Chua is by Annie Murphy Paul of Time magazine, who paints a far more human portrait of “the heartless monster” than most. Paul reveals a mother who bestows a fierce rather than gentle love upon her daughters and has committed to upholding the work-ethic tradition her parents instilled in her as a child. At one point, Chua even acknowledges that her method is not entirely successful, that not all children can be made to practice the violin for three hours a day (her own youngest having rebelled against the system) and that some incidents in her book were, in part, sensationalized (like when she rejected a birthday card from her daughter, telling her it wasn’t good enough and simply unworthy of her).
As many writers, journalists and bloggers point out, the reactions to Chua’s book say more about the way we in the West are raising our children than about the value of Chua’s method.
Kevin Ryan, founder the Center for the Advancement of Ethics and Character at Boston University, writes:
Particularly in the US, which has been the great Dewey-eyed apostle of child-centred education, there has been a growing realization that we are on the wrong course. The alarm bells have been sounding for two or three decades, as one set after another of scores on international assessment test of math and science have revealed American students to be mediocre or worse. Then there is US youth’s world leadership in out-of-wedlock birth rate and the rate of STD infection, in obesity, anorexia, drug and video-game addictions, cheating and in what will surely be tomorrow’s unpleasant revelation.
Another important point Ryan brings up is that the method by which Chua’s book was received came in direct correlation with the United State’s uncertain economy and the worry that American children will soon be working for the Chinese.
Given both the timing of Chua’s book release and the sentiments that ensued, one could argue that this is perhaps a good wake-up call for the American parent – but one that, according to Mary Hasson of Mercatornet, should be examined more closely.
Hasson asserts that if the measure of successful parenting lies in whether or not children achieve their full potential, “then both Chua and her critics have something to teach us.” However, while achievement is great, “it’s not the end game,” writes Hasson. “It’s an inadequate measure of human success or flourishing.”
She adds:
Great achievement, without an underlying vision for character development and deeper human purpose, can be the product of narcissistic drives, greed, or self-absorption. And there’s nothing good about that. Missing from Chua’s work—and the comments of her critics—is any sense of a fuller purpose to human life. The measure of our parenting success is not what our child does or achieves, but what kind of person he or she becomes. It’s more about “being” and less about “doing.”
Hasson goes on to name what successful parents should be striving for: Raising children who are determined to be good, moral human beings; teaching them right from wrong; grounding them in the rules that limit and govern human behavior; teaching them the virtues; helping them forge strong relationships built on love, service, and respect; and lastly, helping them orient their talents, decisions, and achievements towards the common good.
Ultimately, one very positive thing to come out of this debate is the self-examination it has inspired in many parents. Perhaps some will be encouraged to instill more discipline, others to find more balance in family life, and others still to ensure their children build their lives on a set of Christian values while establishing in them a sense of purpose and mission. In the end, if this debate has driven many to at least consider Hasson’s markers of success, which for Christian parents can perhaps be summarized in the question – “Am I doing everything in my power to lead my children to heaven?” – then we have one mother tigress to thank.
Michele Nuzzo-Naglieri
Comments